Creed’s Pruno Recipe
www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts/Pruno
***DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME…
or the Office,
or prison,
or a beet themed Bed and Breakfast,
or in a lighthouse rocketship heading toward outer space.
Do not try this anywhere***
I heard the big guy who sits behind the redhead by the cat lady is collecting recipes, and it got me thinking. The only thing I know how to make is Pruno, well, that and Meth. But since that whole Walter White fiasco – I just, I just can’t go back down that road again.
Hooch, Raisin Jack, the House Red at the Cellblock Hotel — I’m talking about Toilet Wine. It’s been years since I’ve had a good drunk cry in a shower built for 20 men. Don’t get me wrong, it’s the last thing you’ll ever want to drink. But hey, I’m a sentimental guy. Sometimes you need a trip down memory lane.
WARNING: The following is meant for entertainment purposes only and should NOT be explored, just like the username “LittleKidLover”.
Step 1
– pocket breakfast items for about 2 weeks like oranges (you want about 10), frosting, ketchup or jelly packets (you can use anything sweet)
– ask Jorge who works in commissary for a can of fruit cocktail, 3 cups of sugar, and a trash bag. Jorge is a nice fella – from Costa Rica… introduced him to Toby when he moved there. Jorge can get you anything.. women, a tv, coffee you snort…
– squirrel away a roll from dinner
Step 2
– peel oranges and place them in the trash bag with the fruit cocktail, seal airtight
– mash up the fruit, don’t pop the bag
– add most of the sugar- run hot water over the bag – the hotter the better because it kills the bacteria. the last thing you want to deal with is botulism unless you need a few days in the infirmary or -ahem- an exit strategy***
– wrap the bag in an extra pair of skivvies and pray they are clean
– keep it warm and hidden in the showers
– wait 2 days
Step 3
– add the rest of the sugar and the dinner roll to the bag (the bread is what’s gonna get the fermentation process going and turn this crap into alcohol)
– burp the bag occasionally for 12 hours to release the gas
– then store in the top tank of the toilet
– in 3-5 days, strain through a sock
Enjoy the taste of pure risk 
Signing off, CREED
***Disclaimer: PRUNO CAN KILL YOU. Improper fermentation processes can lead to botulism, a life-threatening illness. For more information visit the CDC website
