Mama Sally’s Homemade Pesto
My mom makes the best pesto in the world. And I always tell her,
“Mom you should sell this. You’d make a fortune.”
And she always says,
“No. It’s just for Family.”
Well, finally I was like f*ck it, I’ll sell it. So I’m like,
“Mom, I need you to make a ton of pesto for a pesto party for all my friends.”
She’s like,
“Oh, okay.”
Pesto party, really? Anyway, she makes like a hundred bottles worth. It’s so good. And Phyllis just had that Mom look I wanted.
— Ryan Howard
(Selfish, Lazy, Image-obsessed, Bad Friend)
Ingredients
- 2 tablespoons of pine nuts
- 2 cups fresh basil leaves, without the stalks
- 2 garlic cloves
- 1/2 cup olive oil
- 1/4 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
- salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
Instructions
- Place pine nuts, basil leaves, and garlic in a food processor. Pulse until coarsely chopped. Continue blending, slowly streaming in olive oil until very creamy then transfer to a bowl and mix in parmesan, salt, and pepper to taste.
- Ask your mom to repeat this process 100 times and transfer contents to airtight jars.
- Wait until the photographer comes to take photos for ID badges. Why pay out of pocket? Choose the one among your coworkers with the most mom-like look and steal her photo.
- Design a logo around the photograph. Not an artist? Cmon, you’re an entrepreneur. This is how you make it in this country!
- Use your office desk printer and company sticker paper to make multiple copies of the logo. What?? No, I am not stealing from the company! Why would they have all of these supplies just laying around if we couldn’t use them?
- Kosher – it’s such a dope word, amirite?
- Research what imported Italian Pesto costs and then mark up your product 500%. You deserve it. You worked hard. No, I’m not gonna pay my mom. She wouldn’t let me, anyway. What? No, No. I’m not gonna pay Phyllis, either. Well, she’s like my “work” Mom, so, she wouldn’t want me to pay her. This is what both my Moms want.
Are you looking to lower your risk of heart disease?
According to the Huffington Post, studies show that eating tree nuts about five times a week can help lower the risk of death due to heart disease. Like other nuts, pine nuts are high in beneficial monounsaturated fats, magnesium, and vitamin E, which work together to protect the heart.
